My husband never wants to go out and do things. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. You deserve it, you seem like a very nice lady. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. At least you are trying. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). He had ti see her because it made her feel better, then when that wasnt working anymore, lets bring mummy dearest over from overseas to help her with her attempts at getting my h away from me. He should be talking with the baby if not reading to baby at least once a week is not asking much. I don't think . if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. Im totally fascinated by what people have to say about infidelity and its helpful in challenging myself about what I think. the list goes on and on and on. It is now scheduled for this Thursday . Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. What I thought would come back to me at some point (like a true relational marriage), is no longer my dream. Your email address will not be published. That obviously will take a while. Pisses me off too. Press J to jump to the feed. Communication is just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. he doesnt want things to improve. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. Good advise eg. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. If that something is lacking so severely than they would simply LEAVE. He often jokes about leaving his wife. but thats not our problem. Of course, you work. Easier to blame me. I have to keep reminding myself that he needs time to adjust to the fact that life has changed. I also lived in constant fear that she would get bored again and run back to him. Hes preoccupied with other things. My 10 year old son's personality is that he does not want to leave the house to do go stuff. Im in the best shape of my life and I blame the dirtbag she affaired with for that, not that hes better looking than me by any means, but the second I picture his face and dream about ripping him limb from limb my workouts get very intense. He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. Try not to take it personally if he seems distant. Instead, he could simply be showing his love by other gestures. Not exactly good party talk! No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. Actually.. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. I found a good website on CPTSD, called Strength to Heal, I think. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. This is not what God intended for marriageat all. I have only ever really seen him upset/sad once in 13 years. She wants me to take the lead with planning nights out, hikes, weekend trips, etc. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. He never raises his voice. And honestly I have done that at times. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. And he needs to answer those questions. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! You are so VERY right. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. While it IS true that there is not a marriage on this planet that could not benefit from better communication, increased date nights and focus on each other as a couple, etc, feel free to add your wants and needs.Cheating is WRONG. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. Well, wow. I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. I have one on my free resource page. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. This can be difficult to navigate, but dont worry were here to help! Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. My other half knows this, but still, does not take any of the responsibility on. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. If the marriage was that fundamentally screwed up, there would be NO staying and no ability to fix it and move forward (as most people do). My son is starting his divorce proceedings this week and he has a 3 year old son. I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: ".our life is not bad but boring." I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. This means monogamy cannot be forced. They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. What do you do when your spouse doesnt want to spend any free time with you? And that goes right to the heart of why so very few people actually DO leave. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. I loved snowboarding, my friends, my dogs, and of course, travel. I busted my ass for 2 years afterward trying to keep her stimulated with things to do, trips, vacations, outingswhatever. or situations/content involving minors. My own personal sob story 20 years ago was that my husband was an alcoholic, and that he was physically abusive to me. I guess trying to make sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. Im exhausted and burned out. Ayyy ahora si ya les cuento todito lo que pas De verdad que miedo I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. Agreed. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. We are only 35 years old .i feel like he holds us back so much. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . I am asking him to step up into a role he has really never (in 26 years of marriage) had to fulfill. Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. I have to agree. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. I do absolutley everything on my own. I only wish I had done it MUCH SOONER. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. b. I let the selfish decisions of two very self absorbed people turn me into someone I am NOT. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Your husband may be experiencing depression and you may want to invite him to take a depression test on-line. What do I do? I should have kicked her out immediately and filed for divorce. She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. If depression or anxiety are contributing factors, professional help should be sought. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? If you have been in this situation you know that this will also include mental, sexual, and many other types of abuse as well. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. We are all now to the point where our kids have either graduated from college, in college or will be entering college next fall. She is a safer target to vent my rage towards. Anonymous. I dont husband bash has either. John, you really have to (as hard as it is) discount the things they say while still in the affair fog. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. he will drive an hour to see her for 20 min and goes out fo coffee and to movies, etc. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. My husband doesn t like spending time with my family, but why? We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? he initiates no affection or sex but will respond if I do but I am tired of always being the one to try to save our marriage and yet I do not want a divorce. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me? While some marriages are beyond repair, most are not. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. Others blame their spouse ONLY. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. I have to beg him. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. Another option is speaking to him about events that he would prefer you attend with a friend. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. His lack of reactions kind of gave me permission to just carry on flirting. That is exactly what my husband did and he admits it. Not a legacy to be proud of. What are some things that you do to try and keep the passion alive and kicking? I think I need to do the same, start giving myself the self respect and stop basing it on my h assessments of me. Learn how your comment data is processed. Here, here! Im guilty of this some what, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they cheat. But where is my security? My h and I were the same, it was my h brokenness stress and depression, midlife crsis (he had these dreams of retiring at 40) too, we hadnt argued, I was loving, faithful and there for him, there was really no reason for this to happen to us. I couldnt say it better EG. Giz, you one of the most remarkable people I have met on this journey. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. At the same time, dont neglect your own needs. Monogamy isnt a one-time choice for human beings; its an ongoing choice. I am sure that when most of us look back they realize how little effort the cheater put into any of those things prior and during the affair. When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . If anyone thinks they were lured, or tricked, or coerced, or anything else into cheating on your spouse then there is an issue. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. Yup, I no longer want all the responsibility of doing it all, anymore. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. Sometimes, codependent people may end up in. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. Told me why now when he doesnt care. Excellent point Doug. He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. 3. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. It's good for your health and can be a nice ritual for discussing your plans for the day. It's always healthy for the dad to bond with baby, have skin time, even if the baby is fussy. I hope its not too late. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? They go into a mode of I am such a good person, it must be YOUR fault that I did such an awful thing. Exercise Grace, I totally agree. This is not an all-inclusive list. Fcol, its very tiresome, I guess we just have to focus on our h losing their way and were not strong enough to see their way clearly. He may be following the old adage, "If you can't say anything good, then don't say anything at all.". Johnson says that to do that we must design lifestyle relationship rituals that create the conditions by which love and loyalty are rewarded (rather than ignored). It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. Even he says he had no complaints. I was always the family planner and organizer too. It was certainly different from our normal family life. Whether she values what she has or not I know her friends and coworkers are jealous when they stair at me like a piece of meat-haha. I cant help but ask myself is it worth it? John when my workouts are flagging I also think of the slutty OW and suddenly I can muster plenty of energy! Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. Our friends and their issue were on-again, off-again topics of discussion between Linda and I for a few days after our night out. As betrayed spouses we struggle with the idea of what did I DO to deserve this? Well, the truth is we did NOTHING. That was still intact. Hopefully, those of you who are further along and are in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful. It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. was I the one responsible for what I did? Its his fault for not paying enough attention. My husband never wants to go anywhere . . On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. And I mean that really is ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO!!!!! Thank you, EG! Ok so i've let off some steam with my previous strip club post and now I have just a curious question. I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) This is a really great article! If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. and we started dating. Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. Encourage and compliment your spouse. If anything, it is a great opportunity to spend quality time with single friends. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. After the girls were born, our social life was done as a family (due to lack of babysitters). It's a good way to keep a relationship alive. Spend an evening each week catching up on your favorite TV show or reading books side by side. I only vent here. Will they appreciate what they have? I want him to do SOMETHING, but hes happy with being on his laptop or watching the depressing news all day long. I felt gutted. My husband never wants to spend any time with me Tanya Byron Monday January 31 2022, 12.01am GMT, The Times Q After almost eight years of marriage and two kids, I am seriously considering. If your husband is constantly bringing work home with him or working long hours, it can easily lead to conflict between you two. she had destroyed my confidence in our marriage.She had conditioned me to believe that she was the best I could ever do and no one would else would ever want me. he had an emotional affair a few years ago and I have had a hard time forgiving him but I do not let him know this. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. Make sure you can handle your luggage easily. Of course, this isnt to say that you should never come first. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. I agree with you. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! Friday may 31st will be divorce day. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. If this is a recent development, you may be wondering what went wrong and how to fix it. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. Most of the Time My Husband Doesn't Want to do Sh*t 67 by Linda and Doug Those were the words that one of our friends told Linda recently Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. We've been married for almost 30 years and have 2 children, aged 16 and 18. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. 1. I tried to strike a balance and move the conversation in a different direction. I give up on getting a true apology. Stupid. Additionally, try not to nitpick everything that he does wrong. And really peace for your ex too. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While it's super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you have to drink in order to. Unique Proposal Ideas To Make Your Partner Say Yes, 21 Signs the Universe Wants You to Be With Someone, What to Do When a Guy Ghosts You: Obvious Red Flag Explained. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. I finally found my balls and filed for divorce. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. Then when I think about how unappreciative and selfish her betrayal was in the first place I feel like fool for stretching myself so thin when I feel like she should be kissing MY ass. Often, men show their love through acts of service instead of words. i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. If I would have filed at the beginning I would be years ahead in of where I am now in terms of my recovery. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. Keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you! She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. He watches TV all day long and plays computer games on his phone. I couldnt understand her whole bored thing. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . Below, psychologists and marriage therapists offer 7 common signs that a spouse may be growing restless in a relationship. Dear Carolyn: My husband does not want to spend alone time with me, leaving me feeling frustrated. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. Rachel, my prayers are with you, Im so relieved your children are with you,. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. 1. " If dat new guy don't stop follin wit ma girl, ahm gon put a gree gree on him ." The outcome is a husband who is detached and less interested in being around his wife. "My husband never wants to go anywhere, all he ever thinks about is gumbo, gogo, and dodo." gree gree , any object of contrivance used to conjure harm or evil to the recipient. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. We go to counseling once a week and it helps but its the only time we ever even talk about her affair. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. It was his brokenness and going into self-destruct mode. He shops with me for groceries or they dont get bought. My ex made out very well during the pre-trial. Over time I discovered that her POSOM didnt spend a dime on herexcept for cheap hotel rooms. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. Its a vicious cycle I see repeated on many blogs. Friends disappear and you can't go anywhere. Money cant buy those things and unless your soon to be ex does some serious repenting and reparation, he will NEVER have that. Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. You never know, once your husband sees what a great time you are having. In other words, I'm a good person! unless he goes to work doesnt want to go out at all but will sometimes . Im also in the best shape of my life because of it (not because of her, but my self-determination to improve myself and keep on challenging myself). Put on heaps of weight too after my children, I am so sad that is. Wants me to take a depression test on-line those words again to conflict between you two we are rooting... He watches TV all day long playing the role of advisor, not basher will be removed, and do. On your favorite TV show or reading books side by side on anything for depression he is away... 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